Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Parenting by Me

Once again, I have only limited communicatory abilities at my disposal, but I feel compelled to imitate a bit and give my thoughts on parenting. Thanks for the inspiration, Sheels (see, you do have a nickname!). :)

My firm and steadfast childrearing principles:

1. Never let your baby eat prescription medicine, spiders, or toothpaste. Caffeine, dirt, cow milk, and paper are ok.

2. Carry your baby until it is too dangerous to do so, because he is so strong and fast he can twist out of even the most loving grasp before you realize it. Alternatively, carry him until he is too heavy. If he really loves you, he’ll figure out a way to follow you around the house on his own.

3. Baby toys are fun because they make appealing noises when smacked against a non-toy surface, such as the table or TV. Only buy one or two, because you will always have a neighbor giving you loads of crap because she’s “done, done, done” having babies of her own. These do not need to be natural, dye-free, or hypo-anything. Your baby doesn’t care.

4. Allergies (with several obvious and deadly exceptions) are silly.

5. Trust your dentist before you trust your pediatrician. He’s probably a better parent than she is, anyhow.

6. The benefits of co-sleeping are: more sleep for mommy, more sleep for mommy, and more sleep for mommy.


  1. Jennifer, you are hilarious and I love this post. Definitely one of my favorites. :)

  2. I heart you. I miss you. I plan on using your blog as defense someday. lol

  3. This is a completely random comment not relating to your post. :P Awhile ago on facebook you mentioned that you found a legit survey company that gave you gift cards and such. Can I get in on this honey train? (I would have asked you about this on facebook instead of writing a random comment on your blog, except SOMEONE decided she didn't want facebook anymore!)

  4. 鞋匠能作好鞋子,因為他只做鞋,不做別的。..................................................

  5. Sounds like a sound parenting philosophy! Ditto on the pediatrician ... I don't know why people ask for parenting advice from a medical professional, and even less why the doctor feels obliged to IMPOSE parenting advice, but I think everyone should realize they don't actually have to follow it! They don't teach you how to be a parent in med school.